What is Family?
09/18/2021
Every since I was a little child I have been taught how important the family is. Today more than every before the family unit is being attack. The world wants us to believe that the family isn't important. That it's okay for 2 people to live together and bring children into the world outside of the bond of marriage. That marriage isn't important. We are also told that 50% of marriages end in divorce, so why would you want to get married? We are told that over population is a rising problem. We are constantly bombarded with these messages on social media and in TV shows.
So how do we navigate the waters of the world and still be true to the family? How can we be in the world but not of the world?
Well, heck if I know. But this is my personally opinion. The family is sacred, and the most important and valuable thing you can ever have. A family is more than just a bunch of people living under the same roof. A family is a support system, it is the fundamental unit of our society. It's a place where a child should feel safe. Recently I had the opportunity to watch a video for addressing some of the above concerns. This video, entitled, The Family and Sustainable Development, talks about man, woman, and even children are more likely to thrive in today's world by being apart of a strong family. Children also tend to do better in school when coming from a home with 2 parents.
International, Family watch. The Family and Sustainable Development. YouTube, YouTube, 22 Aug. 2017, www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2lfmb6rlY.
These days, families come in all shapes and sizes; lesbian parents, single mothers, single fathers, gay fathers, and the traditional heterozygous parents. Which of these many different kinds of families are best for children? Are children from one kind of family at a disadvantage compared to another? and the opposite can be asked; do children from one family have an advantage compared to a child who came from another? There aren't many studies that can answer these questions truthfully. We find it difficult to find truthful answers to these questions because many of the studies and experiments that have been done have small sample sizes, no control groups, people involved in the testing, studies filled with bias and many other design flaws. Not to mention that many studies don’t always take into account the children’s experiences; as well as the information of the studies are always changing. But here is my personal opinion: I wouldn’t be the person who I am today if I didn’t have my parents. Let me explain; Mothers and fathers have different roles that can’t be filled by anyone else.
I know that my character would be completely different if I had been raised by a lesbian or a gay couple. I’m pretty sure that I would have had 2 mother daughter bonds or 2 father daughter bonds; rather than one of each. Each bond taught me something different. Not to mention, growing up with a father in the house helped me to learn what I do and do not want in my future husband. Having a mother in the house taught me what kind of a mother I want to be when I have children. Don’t children have the right to be raised in a place where they can experience both of these bonds, not just one, or the other?
Please, don’t get me wrong; I’m sure that they are many single parents, gay, and lesbian couples that are amazing parents and having amazing bonds with their children. I believe that one can’t find the same kind of bonds in a family that consists of gay/lesbian couple or single parent, as you can find in the more traditional heterozygous families.
Not to mention that single parents are at a disadvantage compared to traditional parents or gay/lesbian couples. Let me explain; in the traditional family and in a gay/lesbian parentship there are 2 parents. Whereas single parents, there is just the one parent to take on every responsibility of raising the child or children.
09.24.2021
As a child my mother taught me many things; how to cook, how to work hard, and how to be patient… Although I’m still working on that last one. I would always go to her if I had a question or a problem or if I just wanted to talk; I remember vividly, spending hours and hours sitting at the kitchen table late at night with my mom, doing homework for High School. Even now that I’m 20 years
old, I still call her up seeking her advice concerning the small things and telling her everything that is going on in my life. I have never felt as though I needed to hide anything from her.
On the other hand, my relationship with my father is quite different when compared to the relationship I have with my Mother. My dad also taught me things like; how to buck bails, how to drive stick, and how to get out of cleaning up after dinner. Yes, I go to him for help with problems, such as, “why is my car making that sound” and “why is the sink gurgling?”
Car Family
The family is like a car. Each and every car is different, and on the inside of the car there are many small pieces, but each piece has a crucial role to do in order to ensure the proper running of the car. If you don’t fill your car up with gas, it’s going to spot running. If you don’t get the oil, then you’ll run out and the engine of the car will stop working. The more time you spend taking care of your car the better it runs. Like I said just moments ago, the family if just like a car; each family is different from the next, each person has a different role to play that can’t be filled by anyone else and if even one person doesn’t play their role, the family can deeply struggle.
For example; when I was in grade 10, my mother became extremely sick with pneumonia, and I felt like it was my job to take over her role. Thus, at 15 I started to act like a mother; each morning I made sure that my younger brother got up, had to breakfast, and that he was ready for school when it was time to leave. I also had to make lunch, and dinner, go shopping for grocery’s and making sure that everyone got to any lessons and appointments on time, making sure that my brother and I got our daily homework done, and every Saturday I would clean the whole
Only being 15 at the time, this put a large strain on me. My mom being so sick didn’t just put a strain on me, it put a strain on our whole family. Our car was running on very low oil.
By now you’re probably wondering what the heck does this story have to do about taking care and strengthen the family.
Well, you see, after my mother got better things didn’t just go back to the way they were before she got sick. Rather from her being sick we learned how many things our family needed to do to help make our family stronger. The first thing I learned is that I want to be well into my 20s and married before I have any children. And secondly, there is a great need to establish clear expectations and boundaries in a family to be sure of others. When I was younger my mom would complain to me about things that my father did. Because of this, I often felt like I needed to fix things between my parents. However, when my mom was sick, she saw a lot more
10.02.2021
house, on top of all my everyday chores. Not to mention that I was also doing my best to remain a straight-A student. Which doesn’t seem like too much now, that I’m finally living on my own and doing all that stuff again. But at the age of 15, it was a lot to take on. I remember nights when I was so tired that I could barely see as I almost crawled my way to my bed. Doing all that differently gave me more of an appreciation for all the things that my mom does for me. She was very sick with pneumonia for a good month and a half. And even a year later she still had a cough.
than before. She saw that I was always trying to be a “fixer” in a matter that I couldn’t really fix. When she saw this, she saw that I was having the same kind of relationship my parents as she had with hers. When she was a little girl, her mother often complained to her about things that my grandfather would do, then she would try to fix it, and then feel guilty that she wasn’t able to fix it.
She didn’t want me to have that kind of a relationship with her and dad, so she stopped to complain to me and started to take more things and problems to my father.
I feel that by doing this simple thing straightened our family a great deal; I wasn’t trying to fix everything, my parents were working more together, and there were clear boundaries.
Life is better when there are clear boundaries. I felt more conformable, and I had more confidence in my parents. Yes, there were times that I tested these boundaries –staying out a little past curfew -- but what child has never tested the boundaries set forth their parents?
Once the boundaries were clear, our family ran more smoothly, I didn’t have as many worries, and it actually helped me to become more confident in myself.
The Family Culture. 10.09.2021
There were two things Brother Williams said in class this week that really struck me. The first was, “don’t take the family causally.” And the second was, “don’t give up the things that are most important in the family for more resources!” This made me think about the family culture I experienced as a child.
I was born in Fort McMurray Canada. I lived there until the time I was 5. At which point my family and I moved to a small village called Stirling in Southern Alberta Canada. I don’t remember too much from when we lived in Fort McMurry, most of what I do remember is the layout of our house, the sandbox in the back yard were my brothers and I would play for hours, making snow forts in front of Grandma’s house, being upset that dad would take the older boys on top off the house to clear snow and not me, and accidentally planting zucchini in the front flower bed. Another thing I remember is when we lived in Fort McMurry, my dad was a lot more involved in our lives. I remember him spending hours in the garage helping my older brothers make the fastest cub-cars. He was the one always taking us to our Taekwondo lessons. I remember every Sunday night; he and I would always make popcorn and then whole family would head downstairs to watch AFV. However, when we moved to Stirling, everything changed. While we lived in Fort McMurray my Dad worked for the family business, he was able to choose his hours, my older brothers were both in public school –my younger brother and I were too young for school at the time- and we didn’t have any extracurriculars outside of school events, church event/callings and taekwondo. Once we moved, he had to start working for a near by town and he wasn’t able to be home as much. He couldn’t just choose what hours he had and he couldn’t attend many things that us kids were in, like our soccer games. Also, now that we had moved to a small town, my mom took the opportunity to start homeschooling all of us kids. With this came private lessons in piano, guitar, horses back riding, and Speech and Drama, just to name a few. Not to mention all the extra sports my Mom put us into.
My Dad on the other hand didn’t have energy for us kids after work. He spent less and less time helping my brothers make their lightning fast cub-cars, then wasn’t helping at all with my younger brother. We stopped having yearly family camping trips and the relationship that us kids had with dad became less and less. It was almost like he stopped trying to have a relationship with his children. Whereas the relationship that we had with our mom became stronger and stronger. Don’t get me wrong, all of us children still had a relationship with our father, but it just wasn’t a very strong relationship. In fact, out of all of us kids, I’m pretty sure I am the one who has the best relationship with dad. But it has taken years of hard work, being extremely stubborn, not taking no for an answer, and if I’m being honest, being a bit annoying… okay I just told you I was being honest, I was really annoying. For example, one year during spring break I really wanted to go camping. But no one else in my family wanted to go. I begged and pleaded and finally said that I would go on my own. To which my dad finally agreed to take me camping because he knew that I was stubborn enough to go on my own and he didn’t want his 14 year old daughter to be out alone, especially if she didn’t have a cell phone, which at the time, I did not have.
But I digress. After telling these stories I want you to think about a couple of questions. First, did moving change my family’s culture? 2nd did the new environment change culture of the family? After what I just told you about my family moving from the big city to a small town if you say and think that the answer to these questions is no, well then, I would say that you belong in a looney bin!
For starters our environment had changed completely, and we were away from all we had ever known. Our income had changed, the manner in which we had been schooled changed, and slowly, but surely, our relationships changed. Us kids got closer to Mom because she was there whereas Dad…he wasn’t there. All of this resulted in a dramatic change in our family culture.
Reflecting back on class this week made me think about my own family and how causally and for granted we have taken each other. For example, growing up, I always took for granted my Mom, thinking she was always going to be there for me, that there was always going to be a roof over my head and food on the table. But the thing is, becoming an adult isn’t when I started taking my family causally. I grew up learning and treating them causally. It might be because my family culture has changed so many times over the years, or it might be because my social culture has also changed so much over the years. It’s hard to say. The only thing that I can say for sure, I am who I am today because of the family culture I grew up with, I am not going to treat my family causally anymore and I am never going to give up the things that are most important just to be able to get more resources.